A Phone Call

It's 4:40am already, 25th of October, sitting here inside the jeepney at the terminal.. all beaten up and still have this freaking migraine. It was one hella working week. Seems like so much happened since Monday and i still can't absorb everything!

Yesterday, i received a text message from my big guy saying that he would be confined in the hospital. Honestly, i didn't know how i should react, but one thing's for sure.. i wasn't worried that time.. and i started pondering why.. I don't want him in there. Why? I don't know. Then i thought maybe i was trying to be defensive on the thought that i had to go there to see him with his parents. I told myself "nightmare!". I ended up sending him messages that i know were too harsh, discouraging him about the confinement, even attacking the quality of the hospital he's in.

"I will never go there", that was my decision. That was so mean of me, but i never doubted if that was wrong. I went back to pondering why i wasn't worried at all. Answer? I still don't know..

I started to doubt again how i felt for him.. who is he in my life.. he's my big guy and i cherish him every single second of my life. So i decided to call him. My right ear started hurting because of the endless ringing sound. I was already pissed off. He texted, he just woke up. I called again.

I heard him talking. He's voice was too soft that i couldn't even hear him (or was it due to my hurting ear). Suddenly, i felt pain radiating through my soul and i was indeed surprised with what i had just felt. I thought, "what if i won't hear his voice again?". I realized at that point that if i hadn't decided to reach him, i would have let another chance (to show him how i feel) fade away.

Ok i called.. now i wanna be with him..