Ok so now i feel half prepared in my Villa comeback.. i wasn't able to attend the 2nd TKA GIRLS MEET-UP, i can't watch the LoB BTS vds and extras due to time constraints and chaotic work schedule, i can open the TKA Villa blogsite but everytime i scroll down I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!!

Now i feel worse than ever. I'm bearing this feeling of being SO-SO INTO this coming home.

It's not that i don't wanna be home. It's more of i wanna belong again..

October 26th, typical Sunday except my dad asked me to try driving halfway our street. After a few dead-engine-and-i-laugh, i think i did somewhat fair today. My dad said that i already know how to use the steering wheel coz he even asked me to turn and go back to the starting point, which is our house. I just really got some problem with the clutch coz i always forget to step on it to change gears.

Ok change topic.. i had my hair rebonded and my nails had their much needed mani-pedi! (by the way, my toenails have some nail art, a small flower on each toenail! LOL flower power!).

Some thought is bugging me now.. if someone promises to do something then something happened to cause delay in fulfilling a promise, like moving the said promise an hour or two later, should that be enough reason already to break the promise?

It happened to me today and i feel devastated. It felt like im NOBODY. What's the difference of keeping the promise now and doing it 10-12 hours later? I really feel invisible now. i value time so much. I cherish togetherness more than any earthly thing.

Why are these two things more difficult to receive than receiving material things? I just wonder now..

It's 4:40am already, 25th of October, sitting here inside the jeepney at the terminal.. all beaten up and still have this freaking migraine. It was one hella working week. Seems like so much happened since Monday and i still can't absorb everything!

Yesterday, i received a text message from my big guy saying that he would be confined in the hospital. Honestly, i didn't know how i should react, but one thing's for sure.. i wasn't worried that time.. and i started pondering why.. I don't want him in there. Why? I don't know. Then i thought maybe i was trying to be defensive on the thought that i had to go there to see him with his parents. I told myself "nightmare!". I ended up sending him messages that i know were too harsh, discouraging him about the confinement, even attacking the quality of the hospital he's in.

"I will never go there", that was my decision. That was so mean of me, but i never doubted if that was wrong. I went back to pondering why i wasn't worried at all. Answer? I still don't know..

I started to doubt again how i felt for him.. who is he in my life.. he's my big guy and i cherish him every single second of my life. So i decided to call him. My right ear started hurting because of the endless ringing sound. I was already pissed off. He texted, he just woke up. I called again.

I heard him talking. He's voice was too soft that i couldn't even hear him (or was it due to my hurting ear). Suddenly, i felt pain radiating through my soul and i was indeed surprised with what i had just felt. I thought, "what if i won't hear his voice again?". I realized at that point that if i hadn't decided to reach him, i would have let another chance (to show him how i feel) fade away.

Ok i called.. now i wanna be with him..